Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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