what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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