just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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