Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
