If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
