Can i not drive my cunt home
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
