roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
