We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
