Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
