I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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