Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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