just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
