I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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