I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
