we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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