you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
