farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
