How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
