fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
