Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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