I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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