I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
