u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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