do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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