Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
