So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
