How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
