Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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