I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
