slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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