everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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