i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Too much gin, very little bucket
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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