The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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