My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
