i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
