i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
