Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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