So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
