You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
