Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
