I can text with my tongue
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
