mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
