I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
