you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
