so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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