RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
