i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
