i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
