I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
