Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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