Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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