I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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