Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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