You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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