flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
