I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
